Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I was just thinking about how old Jackson is. Then I realized he is now the same age Carson was when Clayton was born!! Oh my goodness, Carson was just a baby when Clayton came along. Since I was thinking about that it got me thinking about my life then. 4 1/2 years ago....

That was the hardest time in my life thus far. I was having a rough time dealing with a "toddler" (really just an older baby) and a new baby. We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. So we shared our room with baby Clayton. Which was not ideal. Since he was in there I could not sleep. I just knew if I slept then Clayton would stop breathing. I know I was crazy, I got over that with Jackson. Since I didn't sleep it really got on my nerves that Jeremy slept so soundly. That man would not wake up for nothing during that time.

Needless to say I was very tired all the time. Oh ya, I also weighed more than I ever had before. And very upset by that. That was just one more thing to make me feel bad. So, I was fat, I was extremely tired, and my family annoyed me... What was a young mom to do with all these feelings?

Now I am not sharing this story to complain about my life or my family. Or to play the blame game on why I was feeling so crappy. It was no ones fault but my own. I realized back then that I pretty much had 2 choices. I could feel bad about who I was and what my life was right then. Or I could get over myself and decide to be happy and be the best mom I can.

So everyday I took a minute to decide how my day was going to be. I had to take a moment to tell myself that I was going to be happy. I am a good mom to these little beings that I loved so much. I am going to have a good day. If I did not take the time to do this everyday morning then my day was almost unbearable for me. I would feel extra crabby at my family and I would be a very unpleasant person to be around. I didn't even want to be around myself.

Anyway, I got through that rough patch in my life and I am sure there is more to come. Because of that time in my life, I feel so blessed to have the life I have now. I love my family more than anything. My kids are so great. They are so funny and have the best personalities. They make me smile everyday. My husband is the best person ever!! He is the love of my life. Jeremy is a great dad. He takes care of us financialy and he is a hard worker in anything he is working on. He makes it possible for me to stay at home with me children. And I am still after 8 year of marriage madly in love with him.

My mother in law wrote a story on her blog. It was about when they lived in Texas and it inspired me to post this one. Thank you Laurie for being such a great example to me.

2 comments:

Blueyedmle said...

Hun, I cant even function with just a toddler, I cant imagine adding a newborn to the mix. Add to that all the fun things that happen to our body (especially the weight) and boy can I empathize! Its cool to look back and realize -- damn, if I can do that, I can do anything!!! Im glad to see you have joined the blogging. Its fun to see how you and Jeremy are doing!!!

The Ivey Family said...

Wow, sounds like i wrote this! i have had many days where this is what i feel like. Samantha and Ian are 15 mos apart, after she was born i babysat my nephew who was almost exactally samanthas age. so i had daily 4 y/o, 20 mos old and 2 newborns. YES i FEEL your pain! I am so glad for those small moments where its all worth it and for 5:00 when josh gets home!! Oh and now that samantha is 2.5 y/o its so much easier! wow! kids are fun again! i love my kids!